Ego Dialogues

Australian Humor

No idea if these questions (and answers) are real or not, but they are funny at any rate. The questions were supposedly posted on an Australian Tourism website and answered by helpful Australians.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA) A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather. Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany) A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them. Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany) A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow?
(UK) A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.