A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. As he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for their orders. The man says, “I’ll have a hamburger, fries and a Coke.” The waitress then turns to the ostrich, “What’s yours?” “I’ll have the same,” says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress returns with the order. “That’ll be $6.40, please,” she says. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, “I’ll have a hamburger, fries and a Coke.” The ostrich says, “I’ll have the same.” Once again, the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes a routine until late one evening, the two enter again.
“The usual?” asks the waitress. “No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and salad,” says the man. “Same for me,” says the ostrich. A short time later, the waitress comes with the order and says, “That’ll be $12.62.” Once again, the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress can’t hold back her curiosity any longer.
“Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?”
“Well,” says the man, “several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.”
“That’s brilliant!” says the waitress. “Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!”
“That’s right. Whether it’s a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,” says the man.
The waitress asks, “One other thing, sir, what’s with the ostrich?”
The man sighs, pauses, and answers, “My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say.”
Two friends went to a diner for some lunch. One of them ordered a hamburger.
The cook grabbed a handful of meat, slapped it against his bare belly, and flattened it into a burger, which he then cooked on the grill.
“Did you see that?” he asked his friend.
His friend nodded and said:
“You should see how he makes doughnuts.”
A man walks into a restaurant and is taken by the notice above the kitchen door.
“500 Euros If We Fail To Fulfill Your Order”
Hmmm, the man thinks for a while and when the waiter comes up to take his order he says;
“Thank you, yes, I’ll have thin strips of braised alligator leg – the front ones you understand, coated in birds nest stock, accompanied by Asparagus from the Champagne-Ardenne, New Zealand rind of lemons, all sprinkled with ground Pinon nuts – and rye bread please.”
Well, the waiter sweats. He takes the order into the kitchen and pandemonium ensues. Pans clatter to the floor, there is the sound of cupboards being ransacked, wails from staff who get bashed by the screaming head chef, waitresses fleeing the kitchen in floods of tears, glasses falling and smashing, more deperate rummaging in cupboards, amid sobs from goodness knows who. Finally the noise abates and a very angry and dishevelled manager comes out, and slaps ten fifties onto the man’s table.
“Your’re lucky night!” he growls, “been in this business twenty years and it’s the first time we ever ran out of rye bread!”
His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.